Toddler-wrangling guides abound with talk of the terrible twos only to be followed by the inevitable reign of the threenager. Yet what if these merged in a perfect storm to become the twonager? Moody, unreasonable and ready to fly off the handle at the most minute action. At just two and a half, Tilly is demonstrating all the symptoms of being a threenager.

15 signs you’ve got a twonager

  1. “So what have you done today?” “Nothing.” Never mind the visit to the aquarium, boat trip, fun fair and the amazing playground, fishing for any traces of appreciation or preference are met with a consistently stony silence.
  2. Worse still, she can deliberately wind us up, realising what we want and avoiding it with ingenious cunning, whether it’s putting a jigsaw piece in place or refusing a request for a hug by one of us and deliberately hugging the other. Noses rubbed firmly in it.
  3. When she’s cross with one of us she immediately bounces over to the other. “I don’t want you, daddy, I want mummy”. Who then gives exactly the same reply to unreasonable demands to have sweets for breakfast.
  4. Then there’s the addiction to screens. Although it’s watching nursery rhymes rather than conducting a covert ops mission, stopping her from demanding screens big and small requires a constant supply of quality activities.
  5. All meals are a minefield. Expect to start the day with every food option being dismissed as yucky while a biscuit not being 100% intact will lead to nuclear tantrum detonation.
  6. And of course they’re cutting edge in their music tastes in the car. We’d better start with Humpty Dumpty within seconds of sitting down but what’s this – twinkle twinkle – a bed time song, during the day – turn it off NOW, parents.
  7. Sulking becomes an art form. If she’s not got her own way, you’re going to know it, as melodramatic misery is laden upon all tasks until sufficiently distracted by something fun.
  8. Negotiating like a pro. When not held to ransom by the threat of tantrums, the twonager has an uncanny ability to get their way.
  9. Even when you’ve explicitly told them not to do something, they’ll keep trying it out, especially when you’re tired, to see how much of a fight you’re willing to put up.
  10. Despite being hilariously unreasonable, she’s suddenly well acutely aware of being the subject of jokes. This is not tolerated.
  11. Not to worry, it can be fixed with a kiss. Which is then wiped away.
  12. And don’t think you can kiss, mummy and daddy, that’s plain yucky.
  13. Like a fully fledged teenager, she walks as slowly and every bit as unaware of the world around.
  14. She also carries the same misplaced sense of independence with no sense of fear about anything reasonable.
  15. And come bedtime, she’ll roll her eyes at us as we encourage preparations for bed. Oh the sheer tedium of the parents.

Still, by the time Tilly’s actually three, she’ll be perfectly behaved, right?!

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3 thoughts on “My daughter, the Twonager

  • 21 August 2015 at 8:27 am

    You are so right – toddlers and teens have A LOT in common! Thanks for sharing! #TheList

  • 21 August 2015 at 8:09 pm

    Oh yes, this sounds just like my two-year-old. Especially the ‘nothing’ when Daddy asks what we have been up to all day, grrr!!
    Popping over from #weekendbloghop

  • 27 August 2015 at 3:25 pm

    Such a great post! One I’m sure all of us parents to toddlers can relate to. Really made me laugh, thank you 🙂 And thanks for linking up to #TheList.

    P.S I hate to break it to you but from my experience so far, when they reach 3, it just gets worse!


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